Down Ballot Voting Causes Canadian Conservatives To Elect An Oil Rig As Leader

48883526 - old rusty oil well on a field

Early reports indicate the rig was unaware it was in the running, and is concerned there are cracks in its platform.

A voting system that allows party members to select ‘other’ and make a suggestion, has led to the Conservative Party electing a decommissioned oil rig as their new leader. While journalists scrambled to reach the rusting relic for a statement, the Conservative Party leadership released a defiant endorsement of their membership’s decision.

“Through a fair, and at times democratic process, our members have made their decision regarding who they feel is best able to lead the Conservative Party of Canada, and, in due course, the nation of Canada itself. That honour will now rest on an oil rig, commonly referred to in the 80’s – when last she pumped oil – as ‘Old Bessie.’ In doing this we feel we have made an enormous step forward for equality (as the name suggests, this rig is a female) and an undeniable statement of support for denial of climate change. Make no mistake, this party has made it clear: We will not allow a carbon tax, which would cause us to slide on the steep, competitive hill of the global economy. Rather, we will work towards a bright, fossil-fuelled future; one in which, together, we can drive off the cliff of global warming.”





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