Internet Outage Leaves Thousands Unable To Support Their Opinions


An untimely internet outage has left thousands of Toronto residents unable to access their basic opinions and biased sources of support, leading to numerous awkward silences as they repeatedly attempt to refresh their browsers while trying to pull up that study they saw on Facebook that shows vaccinations are linked to global warming. 

A statement released on Twitter by Rogers Communications says they are aware of the situation, and are working hard to restore access to everyone’s political leanings and personal echo chambers of support as quickly as possible.

The Toronto Public Library was quick to recognize the occurrence as an opportunity, sending a team of librarians door-to-door throughout the suddenly net-less neighbourhood, reminding residents that there is an entire building full of ideas which have been printed onto pieces of paper and tied together to form a complete thought, and even offering to lead them to this wondrous place while Google Maps was down. 

In addition to not being able to support tenuous arguments, many of the affected found it impossible to sleep, unable as they were to answer such basic questions as the name of that guy who starred in that movie, you know, the guy with the beard and the glasses, the one that used to be married to that blonde woman, and was in that other movie, the guy you said looked like the other guy, oh come on this is really going to bug me.

While Rogers didn’t provide a time by which they expect to have the situation resolved, they did remind the general public that they advise all of their customers to employ use of a backup system for their opinions, such as carefully considering about them, using multiple offline sources, and regularly updating their personal operating system in order to keep up with an ever-changing world. 



Photo: gstockstudio / 123RF Stock Photo

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