“Look, I feel for the guy,” says eleven-year-old Jimmy DeShields, speaking about the former star player, affectionately known around the house as ‘Dad,’ who was quietly placed on waivers on Friday afternoon following an acute case of ‘gotta stop son, shoulder’s getting sore,’ for the fourth time this baseball season.
“I know he has a family to feed,” the diminutive manager continued, “and he’s been a valued member of this franchise for many, many years. He’s brought a lot of smiles to a lot of kids’ faces around here, and we will always be grateful to him for buying all of the equipment we currently own. But time waits for no man, and we’ve got a game of catch to run here. I wish him all the best in his future endeavours.”
Reached for comment, Dad seemed unconcerned.
“Waivers? That kid. Give him a day to cool off. He’ll have me right back in the starting rotation as soon as he remembers he has a night game Tuesday and it’s too far for him to ride his bike.”