After ten long years firmly fixing Saskatchewan’s economy fifty years in the past, Bradwall (spelling as per the Liberal Party’s handbook) today said he had put his oil through enough, and the time had come for him to move on from his position as Premier of the largest rectangle on earth.
“Look folks, my potash is never going to be this age again. It only comes out of the ground once you know.” he said to a group of reporters gathered on his front lawn, where a two-story bonfire was serving as a light source to help the Mr. Bradwall read his notes on the slightly cloudy afternoon, “You only get to consume this life once, and while this job has afforded me the opportunity to lead an entire province back in time, the fact is I’m not getting any oilier.”
The Premier went on to say that he felt the time had come for a younger man, or woman if any could be found, to help prevent the province – and indeed the nation – from accepting that fossil fuels and rare minerals are not a great thing to peg our collective future on. As their names would seem to indicate.
“But don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere,” Brad says as he climbs in his truck for the long drive back to his front door, four steps over his right shoulder. “I’ll still be here if you guys run out of blinders, or need a place to get some shade as the planet slowly bakes. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m late for my tar-sand facial scrub and crude oil hot bath. Highly recommend. Get ’em while they’re going. Which is forever of course.”