‘Dead White Guys’ Lives Matter’ Movement Sweeps Across Canada

Sir-John-A-Macdonalds-tipple“The most,” adds former foreign affairs minister John Baird. “Dead White Guys’ Lives Matter The Most is the full name of our uprising, and our slogan is ‘We didn’t listen then, why should we listen now?'”

The DWGLMM movement started late Wednesday night, as word spread that a group of grudge-carrying teachers in Upper Canada wanted to remove the name of lauded dead white guy Sir John A Macdonald from schools, just because he dabbled in a little cultural genocide. 

“What’s next?” Baird asked, as he pulled a nine-iron out of his golf bag, and prepared to attempt a tricky shot over a former First Nation’s hunting ground. “Reviewing our history for lessons so that we don’t repeat the mistakes of the past? Before you know it we’ll be forming commissions aimed at discovering truth, and attempting to arrive at reconciliation.” His shot arcs through the air, slicing right, to land in the same bunker it always does. Baird curses. “Gets me every damn time,” he says, presumably still talking about his golf game. 

The DWGLMM movement is quickly gaining traction with the contingent of Canadians who feel dead white guys have been unfairly targeted by the public in the name of political correctness. 

“As a living white guy, I have a lot of sympathy for the dead white guys,” said a man on a street in a city in this country, “I may not be famous, but I can tell you I don’t like having to apologize for my actions now, so why would I want someone to apologize on my behalf when I’m in the ground? Sorry not sorry folks, if you don’t like it you can go back where you came from. And if that was here then: tough cookies.” 

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