Trump Quick To Offer May His Prayers And Heartfelt Criticisms Over London Tube Explosion

Saying he would do whatever he could to criticize, Donald Trump today wasted no time in thumbing Theresa May his response to the London tube explosion.

“As soon as I heard the news I knew it was loser terrorists and a mistake by the British police that led to this. And probably having a woman in charge didn’t help.” Trump said this afternoon as he rose from his kneeling position in the oval office, having completed his daily prayer regimen.

“I’m up to four hours a day now,” the well-unliked president said. “So many things to pray for you know. Thoughts and prayers, thoughts and prayers. My thoughts and prayers go out to those who have a lot of thoughts and prayers, let me tell you. Me for example.”

Back on track, Trump says he stands united with America’s special friend across the Atlantic, in condemning everyone in charge of security without waiting to hear what actually happened.

“Details are like terrorists. They are everywhere, they are impossible to understand, and they are dangerous. I don’t wait for terrorists to come to me, why should I wait for details?”

Saying he had already reached out to Theresa May to ruffle her hair and tell her to let the big boys take care of this one, Trump said it was a good chat. 

“I think it gave her some much needed strength during this difficult time. And I know that because she told me she strongly disagrees with my critiques. See? Strong woman. Very impressive. Tough. Gotta be tough in these times. Terrorists and details everywhere, coming at you. I’ve got a ban on both. But the judges won’t let me do it. Sad. So sad.”   

For her part, Theresa May said that even at the best of times she had far more important things to do than worry about what Donald Trump thinks. “And this, I’m sure everyone will agree, is far from the best of times.”

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