Cruz And Trump Jr. Announce Launch Of New Fad Diet: Eat What An Asshole Would Eat

givemeafucking break

An actual real picture. Seriously.

“We knew right away that we were on to something amazing,” says Donald Trump Jr., relating the story of how he and Ted Cruz came to be even bigger assholes then they already were. “I was holding a giant cookie of Barack Obama, the worst president in history as 11% of you know, and Ted was trying to remember the past tense of the word ‘smite,’ when someone from the crowd shouted out an offer of $100 to buy the damn cookie off us.”

Trump Jr. continues, pronouncing his words with impressive clarity despite the massive growth of festering privilege he was born with, saying that he knew right then that there was money to be made here.

“You’ve all heard of paleo right? Well what about assholeo? I turned to Teddy Bear and I said: ‘Eat what an asshole would eat.’ And Ted looked right back at me and said ‘smote, it’s definitely smote.’ And the rest is history y’all.”



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