Magnitude 9.1 Head Shake Felt Along Entire Eastern Seaboard Shortly After 7:49PM


Red = Area in which people reported feeling Hillary Clinton roll her eyes.

With its epicentre believed to be 1.5 meters above sea level in the exact location of  Hillary Clinton, a colossal head shake has occurred in the United States, one whose effects were immediately felt globally. 

Measuring 9.1 on the ‘Fuck This Guy’ scale, the shake appears to have been triggered by an online eruption emanating from the walking, golfing fault line that is Donald Trump, who today stopped just short of making a ‘your mama’ joke on behalf of the American people, instead opting to threaten nuclear war while describing the size of the button he would use to kill millions of people.

Though reports are still coming in, hospitals across the US are reporting a huge surge in cases of whiplash from the vigour with which many people shook their heads at both the stupidity of the man, and those who elected him to be in charge of anything more important than the Cucumber Sandwich Procurement Committee at the New York Yacht Clubs annual Pimps and Ho’s party. 

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” said Dr. Michael Irvine, who works in a DC-area emergency room. “Nearly two hours after the event I have a waiting room of people out there shaking their heads and shouting at their phones. I had one woman say that this was it, she’d had enough, and to just cut it off. I began to try to talk her out of making so final a move as an upper neck amputation, when she stopped me and said: No dear, I didn’t mean cut off my head. I meant that asshat’s Twitter account.”


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