Trump’s Invitation To NAFTA Talks Arrives In Wooden Box Sealed Shut With Robertson Screws

Narex-8096-Robertson-Square-Drive_5An unusual scene unfolded in the White House today, as the United States’ ceremonial invitation to the upcoming NAFTA talks in Canada arrived in a beautiful wooden box; one that proved to be impossible to open without first importing a tool from: Canada.

“It appears to have been screwed shut with a series of odd-looking, but confoundingly logical, square-holed fasteners,” said Stephen Miller, coldly analyzing the situation for some sign of this thing humans call ‘humour.’

“I’ve seen these before,” John Kelly was heard to say, looking aghast at the offending screws, later admitting he was momentarily transported back to a dark time, when he had to visit Edmonton in January in an episode he has since tried to forget. “They call them Ryan Reynolds screws or something like that. I think this might be the Canadian’s idea of a joke.”

“Well it isn’t funny John,” a visibly upset Trump said, his diminutive hands prying ineffectually at the solid box. “Usually these things have fudge in them and you know how much I lurves treats.”

Despite frantic efforts from all present to gain access to the formal communiqué, with Jared Kushner at one point speaking into his pocket square to ask the Russian embassy if they had any Canadian tools lying around, in the end it was clear that there was no recourse but to order a screwdriver from Canada.

“Overnight the damn thing Ivanka,” Trump instructed his daughter, unable to take his eyes off the box. “I can already taste that maple fudge.” The president paused here, a thought suddenly occurring to him, his third of the day and first not related to the inexplicable decline in popularity of the stretch limousine. 

“Hey. We better not have to pay any duty on that.”


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