“All in favour of voting to vote for who gets to vote for who will be eligible to vote in our upcoming decision on who should answer the door, say ‘June the 7th,'” said Ontario PC president, Rick Dykstra, as he firmly moved his party’s executive committee from deciding how many pizzas to order, to who will pay the tip, to who will get to expense it later.
After a see-saw battle that at one point saw point saw Peppa Pig leading all votes, the party finally concluded that the actual person most qualified to answer the door was former mayor of a town that isn’t Toronto, Vic Fideli.
“It’s humbling and an honour to have the unanimous support of my colleagues and friends in the Ontario PC caucus,” said Mr. Fideli, as he stepped boldly towards the locked entrance of the small motel room the PC leadership had been holed up in since Thursday morning. From outside could be heard the voice of the pizza deliveryman, asking if anyone was home.
But, just as Mr. Fideli was about to answer the door, he was stopped by a sudden shout from Rick.
“Hold it Vic. Don’t touch that doorknob.” The surprised former mayor of a town that also isn’t Ottawa, spun on his heel.
“We’ve decided we should all answer the door.”
Expressing his surprise, Mr. Fideli pointed out that at last count there were almost 200,000 Ontario PC party members. And that the pizza is getting cold.
“Yeah. Like I said,” Dystrka responded, getting up from his chair and sliding on a pair of black leather gloves, “we’re all going to answer the door.”