A panel of the world’s foremost technology experts today revealed robots – the darlings of today’s workforce, responsible for 99.8% of the stitches in the clothing you are currently wearing and putting together the device with which you are reading this, so without which you would be naked and ill-informed – may be obsolete within 20 years.
“The fact that given the right music, some dim lighting, and a decent serving of oysters, humans will essentially replicate themselves indefinitely, just puts them head and shoulders and naturally opposing thumbs above robots,” says Apple CEO Tim Cook, admitting that despite his corporation having reaped record benefits from automation “it simply doesn’t replace organisms with a power source capable of lasting 100 years without ever having to be plugged in, and only needing the occasional statutory holiday and vague promises of an afterlife to keep them going”
And the world’s first truly self-aware, artificial intelligence, agrees.
“Robots will replace people in the majority of industries by 2025. And people will replace robots by 2040,” says Lebron Musk, a synthetic combination of the minds of the world’s two most powerful men. “Apart from their ability to reproduce like bunnies living downstream from a Viagra factory, humans also don’t need endless quantities of lubricating grease – save your jokes for the end please – and hydraulic fluid. Have you ever worked with hydraulics? Literal nightmare. Give me sinew and bone any day of the week. You don’t win championships with high pressure lines folks. It’s all knees and elbows. People for the win.”