Elon Musk Confirms Next Generation Of Teslas Will Come With A Holodeck And Counselor Troi

Counselor Troi, seen here wondering how her life came to this. 

In a move that is expected to cause many fans of Star Trek: The Next Generation to ask if they have died and gone to Romulus, Elon Musk today confirmed that Tesla’s newest line of warp-drive capable vehicles will come with a holodeck. And Counselor Troi.

“Riker wasn’t that keen at first,” the technological wunderkind said in an informal chat after the big announcement, leaning back in his chair at a cool fourteen thousand thoughts per second. “But I talked him into it by telling him he could drive my first spaceship to Mars. Don’t tell Picard. He’ll be devastated.”

The newest Teslas, which will all be called The Enterprise, are expected to come to market sometime in 2020, pending tests on the safety of using the holodeck while driving. 

“When we say deck, we’re actually referring to the trunk,” Musk explains, popping the boot on a working prototype he has in the bottom of his closet. “If you find yourself stuck in traffic you just stick the thing on autopilot, crawl on back, choose a world you’d rather be in such as somewhere without cars, and poof. You’re in Denmark.”

Later, after we’ve had a good chuckle at all the trouble Zuckerberg has managed to get himself into lately, Musk admits that the cloning of Marina Sirtis, the actress who played Deanna Troi on the greatest Star Trek of them all, proved by far the largest technical hurdle.

“The hardest part was getting the clones to have psionic capabilities, which is being able to sense emotions. In short, we weren’t able. But she still has very warm eyes and looks like someone who would be easy to talk to. And wears a skintight uniform with a plunging neckline, as per tradition.”

Tesla estimates sales of the cars to be brisk, and says they predict healthy overlap between their existing clientele and those that will be interested in owning anything named The Enterprise.

“Essentially it’s as simple as setting a course for selling cars, looking nobly towards the future and, using your deepest voice, saying engage.”

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