A Well Regulated Militia Strikes Again

The well regulated militia has again saved America from any significant time elapsing between school shootings, as two people have been detained in a high school in Santa Fe, Texas, shortly after exercising their right to easily access arms and be catastrophically violent in a public place.

It marks the 22nd time this year that the right to bear arms of the nation’s well regulated militias has helped prevent minimal expectations of safety from being the norm.

While little is known at this stage about the shooter, or shooters, in this latest, horrifyingly brutal, rampage, what is known is that in a country with approximately one firearm for every citizen, there is no question it was easier than it should have been for the killer, or killers, to access tools specifically designed to expedite killing. Because of a line in a 230-year-old document (‘A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed’) that apparently supersedes the since-debunked declaration, from the same text, about ‘life’ being an unalienable right.

“I don’t know what unalienable means,” says a man outside a gun store in Pensacola, Florida. “But I sure as hell know what infringed is. And don’t come at me with all that shit about commas, and militias, and intentions, and living documents. The supreme court upheld the second amendment in a narrow ruling pertinent to one small district of this nation due in large part to financial-backing from gun manufacturers with an obvious vested interest. And that is good enough for me.”

“Oh yeah,” says a woman nearby, wiping drips of sarcasm from her forehead in the midday sun. “There can be no doubt that this is what the founding fathers intended when they penned arguably the most influential document of the past 500 years. That’s right, the same one that didn’t mention women voting. Can’t you just feel their generation-spanning pride as the ambulances, police, military, and some asshole with a gun strapped to his hip wearing a MAGA hat, converge on yet another school shooting? And just think of all those governmental oversteps stopped by our wonderful militias. Oh yeah,” she says again, taking a long drink of water. “Thank God they threw that in there. Where would we be without it?”

Categories: News

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1 reply »

  1. This is no time for sarcasm when lives have been lost. I will be deleting myself from your ranks. Totally insensitive.

    Michael C Batty ‘


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