All Hurricanes This Year Named Donald

lightx-6The World Meteorological Organization has broken with their longstanding protocol of naming storms after their exes, and – bowing to public pressure to have tropical revolving storms more accurately mirror events ashore – has instead decided to just call all of this year’s Atlantic storms: Donald. 

“There’s a lot of uncertainty around this year’s forecast,” says Tempest Teacup, the coincidentally-named spokesperson for the WMO, brushing aside a crazy swirl of curly white hair. “People are wondering when the destruction will stop, and whether places like the Virgin Islands, Puerto Rico,and indeed the mainland United States, can take many more of these intensely self-centered storms. So naming them Donald seemed like the most appropriate thing to do.”

While the move is likely to cause issues, with the potential for confusion over which storm is being warned about or prepared for being great; Ms. Teacup says this too, is unfortunately all too accurate.

“Much like the conveyor belt of storms that roll off of Africa in the oppressive summer months – heading across the Atlantic to decimate lives, while disproportionately affecting the lower socioeconomic classes as the wealthy fly out – the current president of the United States seems to veer from one calamity to the next, destroying everything he touches, and leaving people to stand in the wreckage of their homes and wonder what they did to deserve this, and why didn’t they move to Canada?”  

Addressing rumours that the WMO had originally considered naming all the storms this season after members of the Trump clan, Tempest admitted that this had been a strong contender for theme-of-the-year, but that in the end no one wanted to see a Hurricane Kanye.

In addition, she said that regardless of the level of damage done by any of the Hurricane Donalds, the agency would not be retiring the name.   

“We usually remove a name from eligibility when it becomes synonymous with a particularly devastating event, but in this case we’ve already decided to let ‘Donald’ remain in perpetuity, as a reminder of what can happen when you vote for a self-centered melee that is constantly threatening to head for Florida.”

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