WARNING: The following article contains images of people generally enjoying life and not bothering anyone. They cannot be unseen.
In the wake of Donald Trump’s declaration that Canada represents a security threat, and then using that declassified intelligence as justification to tariff the northern nation back to a safe status, images are beginning to emerge from the peace-torn population. They paint a horrifying picture of a depravedly-genial country in which many people live their entire lives without holding a loaded gun, or threatening to use such, and where speaking out against the nation’s overbearing rulers can get you a witheringly polite defense of your right to debate in a townhall meeting. Yes. It is stomach turning. Again, the images below are not for the dark of heart.
Warring Canadian factions, seen here performing the dreaded seat-dance shortly before sharing some form of a snack. Note that even their respective tribes (the Leafs and the Senators) are tied, in what international observers believe to have been a gruesome attempt to allow each other to both get a point.
Unpaid workers (they call them VOLUNTEERS) working to rebuild a children’s park in Toronto after the original structure burnt down. One wonders why they bother, knowing it will probably only last thirty years and echo with the shouts of hundreds of thousands of children living generally comfortable lives. It’s unlikely any of these men are still standing. As it’s Friday night and the patios are open.
The Prime Minister, wearing plaid. In front of children. What sort of people allow this?
The country nearly split in two in 1995, but after people got in buses and drove for thousands of kilometers (which are a dangerous type of miles) and told the people that wanted to leave that it would be so nice if they didn’t, those people voted in an orderly fashion to stay. Like some sort of experiment in democracy gone horribly, horribly right.
They all pretend to like the same shitty coffee, because it would be rude not to.
(Though its popularity has gone down recently. No, not because it sucks, they don’t mind that. Because the company that makes the coffee isn’t paying their employees enough. Researchers are still sifting through the socialist wreckage in an attempt to understand why they care.)
Canadians also live in abject squalor.
And there you have it. Horrible, dystopian, dehumanizing, Canada. How long will the world stand aside as this country spirals further and further away from winning a Stanley Cup? When will the United Nations intercede, and draw an end to the madness of people receiving health care without losing their homes, and marrying whomever they feel like? Only time will tell. For now we can only hope that Trump will be able to successfully tax the Canadians back into some form of civility. But, as their own iconic musician; the late, great, Gord Downie, once sang:
“Twelve men broke loose in seventy three
From Millhaven Maximum Security
Twelve pictures lined up across the front page
Seems the Mounties had a summertime war to wage.”
Whatever that means. Canadians can be really cryptic.