Trudeau To Trump: You Wanna Go?


Well do ya?

“You wanna go?” Three words – that really should have been five – of greater import have not been spoken between the United States and Canada in over fifty years; not since Pierre Elliott Trudeau famously told Richard Nixon to get fucked. That too was over trade tariffs, as well as the Trudeau family’s hereditary distaste for oval-officed assholes. 

The latest broadside came from current Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, and – in a remarkable symmetry of events – was in response to Richard Nixon’s spiritual son, Donald Trump, tweeting up a mid-Pacific storm on his way to wooing former enemies, having just dispensed with being nice to former allies, at the G7 summit. At one point calling the Canadian PM dishonest, and weak, putting Canadian Conservatives in the awkward position of now having the least-hinged leader in the free world quoting their talking points. In response, Trudeau signalled he’d had enough.

“You talking to me?” he asked belligerently, slowly tapping out a Du Maurier before lighting a match off his pocket square. “Or you chewing on bricks? ‘Cause either way you’re going to lose some teeth.”

Thankfully for international relations – thought unfortunately for the UFC, which just this year began sponsoring the G7, in a deal many at the time questioned the wisdom of but appears now to have been prophetic – by that point Donald Trump was going a mile under Mach in the direction of Dennis Rodman’s personal homing beacon, somewhere in the streets of Singapore. 

The devolving situation between the two countries comes at an inopportune time, coinciding as it does with America having to deal with a crippling president shortage, and Canada having reached the point where it couldn’t give deux shits about that, it just wants its neighbour to do what it says it’s going to do, and not act like a total asshole. Please.


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