White Helmets Willing To Go To Canada Despite Unverified Reports It’s A Terrorist Nation

Disregarding reports from such reputable websites as,,, and – saying that Canada is a terrorist state full of crisis actors making propaganda full time – the recently rescued White Helmets say they have no concerns about immigrating to Canada. 

“People write all sorts of things online,” said a White Helmet named Asif Saad, speaking from Jordan, where the Syrian search and rescue teams and their families are waiting to be relocated to permanent new homes in western countries, Canada among them. 

“But I tend to discount anything that sounds like it was dictated by Vladimir Putin while wrestling a bear, running a marathon, settling a score, and furthering a political agenda that Darth Vader would recognize.”

On the flip side, with up to 50 White Helmets and their families expected to be settled in Canada in the coming weeks, the question of how many unsubstantiated rumours the Canadian public is going to entertain in the lead up to assisting people who risked their lives to save others in a war zone, has become an open-ended question.

“I thought the White Helmets were terrorists,” said Toronto resident Keith Wren, who went on to admit he was basing this on a video he’d seen on Facebook that he hadn’t bothered to check the veracity of because, “I was only using it to form an opinion. Nothing major.” 

“The guy who shared that particular video has always struck me as an independent thinker, someone you can trust to know things the mainstream media are hiding from us, for whatever their reasons. He was the one who opened my eyes to the fact my birth certificate is actually a share in a company, and told me not to pay any taxes until I started to receive a dividend. And just as he predicted, the CRA are now sending me warning notices. What a scam.”

For their part, the White Helmets reiterated they are substantially less concerned about online rumours about Canadians. 

“Sure, I’ve heard Canada is a hotbed of ISIS terrorism,” says Mr. Saad, pausing in his task of filling out an application for asylum. “with links to Al Qaeda, Cobra, and the Decepticons. But I’ve seen no evidence of this firsthand, or from any media source not underwritten by Russia, so I’m happy to put those reports in the same bin I place the ones claiming myself and my associates faked chemical attacks, Sandy Hook was staged, or Hillary Clinton was the mastermind behind 9/11.”

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