Canadian Delegation At UN Summit Abused By Rambling, At Times Incoherent, New Yorker

The man appeared lost, and disoriented.

“Oh lord,” said Chrystia Freeland, as she and the rest of the Canadian delegation to the United Nations – including Prime Minister Trudeau – came upon one of New York’s less fortunate persons on their way to the general assembly. “Whatever you do just keep walking, don’t give him any money, and do not – under any circumstances – make eye contact.”

Railing loudly at the sky while wandering aimlessly on the sidewalk, as he complained about witch hunts and a conspiracy by the left-wing media to make him look bad, the man in the Canadians’ path had the look of someone who had perhaps once been successful, but was now reduced to a life of paranoia and complaint. Freeland and Trudeau bent their head’s in pretend conversation as they approached, hoping the old codger wouldn’t notice them.

“Justin! Justin Trudeau? Is that you?” the man shouted at the PM, a sudden crazed glint in his eyes. “I see you over there with your chief negotiator, who –  by the way – I am not a big fan of, not a big fan of at all, even though I love Canada and have all the friends there but who even said that? I wouldn’t have because you have treated me so poorly. So very poorly. Just ask Lighthizer, he’s here somewhere, see there he is,” the apparently homeless man said, swinging around and pointing to a surprised-looking pigeon, who immediately took to the wing.

At this point the head of security for the Canadians, who was already regretting having parked so far away, took advantage of the vagrant’s momentary distraction, and hustled his cohort past the tragic display of someone breaking down so publicly. 

“So sad,” Trudeau said, glancing back over his shoulder at the ornery old man, still chasing pigeons, and calling them by the names of well known U.S. officials while making vague threats.

“Come back here you jerks!” The man shouted, finally noticing he was being left behind. “C’mon, spare a guy a dairy concession. Godamned tightwad Canadians. You know the Mexicans would never just walk by an old guy with his hand out like that. I’m warning you, you’d better help me, or I’ll tell everyone you asked for a meeting and I said no. C’mooooooooon! I haven’t had a deal in three days.” 

The Canadians quickened their step, and didn’t look back. 



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