Facing Global Shortage Of Thoughts And Prayers, NZ Gives Legislation And Action A Try


New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern, displaying two obscure antipodean qualities know as ‘grit’ and ‘determination.’

WELLINGTON – A country known for its ingenuity and self-sufficiency has once again looked within for an answer to their problems this week, as New Zealand eschewed the rapidly diminishing supply of international thoughts and prayers, and instead turned to something radical and previously untested: legislation and meaningful action.

After 50 of her citizens were recently killed by some unloved asshole with recreational access to tools of war, in a nation of peace, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern had a revolutionary idea: let’s not allow that. 

The move is a remarkable departure from the standard global response in such situations – ordering truckloads of thoughts and prayers to dump on top of any grieving community asking for actual change, with the remainder being used to fertilize the surrounding fields. There to grow more thoughts and prayers for use in the next inevitable tragedy. 

Other countries which have dealt with the spectre of mass shootings by closing their eyes and hoping really hard for fewer mass shootings – while unwilling to directly come out against New Zealand’s patently better approach – remained reserved. 

“All I’ll say is it must be nice to not have the right to own a semi-automatic machine gun invented 60 years ago, written into your 230-year-old constitution,” said a gun rights advocate in the United States, ignoring the timeline disparity in his statement, and numerous other rights originally inscribed in his nation’s founding document that no longer apply. Such as the right to own other people.

And for their part the Canadian government says that while they suspect such an approach only works in the southern hemisphere, where everything is upside down and nothing makes any obvious sense, they are looking into ways the approaches of  ‘action’ and ‘integrity’ – previously deemed too extreme for everyday use – could be applied to banning assault rifles north of the equator. 

But in New Zealand, change can’t come soon enough. With tragic events in the U.S. and beyond occurring with a repetitiveness that is matched only by their heartbreak, the price of global thoughts and prayers is now at an all-time high, in many cases costing as much as the faith of an entire electorate in their government’s ability to protect them from avoidable harm. 

“While we could of course find the resources to procure thoughts and prayers,” said a New Zealand member of parliament earlier this week. “Our fear is that we can’t afford the indifference they are so effective at covering up. This leaves us to make do with logic and nerve, as we attempt to ensure this tragic occurrence doesn’t happen again. Wish us luck. But stow the thoughts. And keep the prayers.”


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12 replies »

  1. Good thoughts there, Paul. If you ever want to see what rural Texas is like first hand, come spend a day with me. I live in the heart of gun, and thoughts and prayers, country. “God and Guns: You better have both.”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Six years ago, a gunman in Newtown, CT, US, shot and killed 20 6-year-old children and their teachers. At that time, I thought that such a slaughter of small children would galvanize our legislators to enact strict gun laws. Wrong. Same inaction for many subsequent killing events at churches and schools.

    It took NZ 6 days.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It is unfathomable to most Kiwis why the right to own an entirely inappropriate piece of weaponry supersedes the need to protect its citizens, especially children, from gun violence, accidental or otherwise. True leadership that puts its people first, not the right to bear arms, is a relief and highly commendable in this crazy world.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’d like to start by congratulateing drugs on winning the war on drugs also our priminister in my belief is afraid of the Turkish presidents threats and why is there so much love for foreigners by nz people’s but not its natives🤔also also how did gun reform move so fast but legalisation of cannibus is taking ages reason because we live in a dictatorship🤔also if the priminister never met me i feel that she should not speak for me🤔


  5. I don’t get the whole gun thing. I have a couple of friends who hunt and they use actual rifles, not some murder machine that’s completely overkill. Also, I hate the way the U.S. gun lobby has infiltrated our country–it’s all about money for them.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I have been following your page for quite some time now. I like your humour and insight on life’s reality. Most of your stories are Canadian or American and as an Australian I don’t know the full story in the news but this story about my neighbour, new Zealand, is local for me.
    You are such a wiz with your explanations. Thanks for your interpretation,that puts a smile on my dial.

    Liked by 2 people

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