The Out And Abouter

– Satire, Commentary, Satirical Commentary –

Saturday, April 17th, 2021|
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Climatologists Grimly Watch As People Who Ignore Science Suffer Real And Immediate Consequences

By Paul Duncan on March 27, 2020 • ( 9 Comments )

“It’s almost as if advanced computer modelling has the ability to warn us of imminent threats,” says Dr. Foch-Ensseireos, a climatologist who – like many of his colleagues – has spent his […]

Canada Firmly Reminds US To Stay At Least 2 Metres Away

By Paul Duncan on March 26, 2020 • ( 10 Comments )

In a development that many believe is at least three-and-a-half years overdue, a concerned Canada has today reminded the United States to follow WHO guidelines, and maintain at least 2 metres of […]

In Between Storms

By Paul Duncan on March 25, 2020 • ( 22 Comments )

In between the gales – the one to the north of Bermuda that we’d been expecting, and the second, to the south, that we had not – I made breakfast for us […]

Concerns Grow In US, As Early Tests Indicate The Coronavirus Cannot Be Shot

By Paul Duncan on March 23, 2020 • ( 6 Comments )

As the number of people who have contracted the coronavirus continues to rise, the United States has had to face a brutal, albeit unsurprising, truth about this microscopic enemy: it can’t be […]

Earth To Evict Humans, As Planet Looks To Self-Isolate For Health Reasons

By Paul Duncan on March 20, 2020 • ( 2 Comments )

Saying that if the human race didn’t have anywhere else to go that wasn’t its problem, planet Earth today served notice that everyone, everywhere, had to be off its outer crust by […]

WHO Reports Everyone On Earth Thinks Their Throat Is A Bit Scratchy Now That You Mention It

By Paul Duncan on March 18, 2020 • ( 3 Comments )

In a midday press conference to update an anxious world on the spread of the coronavirus, the WHO added a new statistic to the usual numbers: the number of people who might […]

Police Believe Serial Killer On The Loose, After Man Seen Shaking Multiple People’s Hands

By Paul Duncan on March 16, 2020 • ( 4 Comments )

TORONTO – Local police are on the hunt for a man they believe may have shook as many as two dozen hands yesterday, in a brazen virus-transmitting spree with no clear motive. […]

Coronavirus Credited With Saving Thousands Of Lives After Gun Convention Cancelled

By Paul Duncan on March 5, 2020 • ( 10 Comments )

Experts in not-needlessly-dying say as many as 8,000 lives have been saved today by an unlikely source: the novel coronavirus. This, after America’s largest gun convention was cancelled over fears that people […]

Pangolin Says It Has More Viruses Where That Came From If People Don’t Leave It The Fuck Alone

By Paul Duncan on February 16, 2020 • ( 55 Comments )

The ground pangolin stopped in the long, swaying grass of the African veld, and turned to face a visiting reporter who had just asked him if he was aware that a virus […]

Asked If It Has A Personal Mantra, Approaching Asteroid Says “Live, Laugh, Love, Quickly”

By Paul Duncan on February 14, 2020 • ( 9 Comments )

“Let me put it this way. I wouldn’t spend much time worrying about current events. Any possible issue you are worried about right now, is just a few days away from being […]

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